If I owned…


If I owned a TV Network

Primetime would start at 7pm, I know it would put Pat Sajak and Steve Harvey out of some work but shit, they got enough.

Any writer submitting an evil twin or doppelgänger script would be immediately fired and that goes for goofy-ass time travel, too.

A Western and a Star Trek series would always be on the schedule, it’s my network right?

We would do an hour-a-week of classic Warner Bros and Hanna-Barbara cartoons,  uncut dammit. Frying pans, eye balls bulging out of the sockets and the Coyote getting’ his ass flailed while consistently trying to kill RoadRunner, hell every kid needs to see that shit. Hell, I need to see that shit!

The only reality show would be The Kardashians Krumble and a show that follows that TMZ ass around all day with a camera asking him stupid inappropriate questions.

Finally this cat below would never ever be an actor on any show on the network. He may be a fine guy and a good actor but … never mind I just can’t stand him.


If I owned a Rock Radio Station

I would have Cerphe as my only radio personality.

The only musical mandates would be, Foreigner and Styx are never to be played. Hotel California, Dream On, Brown Eyed Girl, Moondance, Free Bird, Turn The Page, Good Ol’ Rock n Roll, Black Water, Satisfaction, The Joker, Another One Bites The Dust and More Than A Feeling are off the playlist.

You would hear more 50’s and early 60’s stuff, more Dylan, more Elvis, more The Band, more Kiss, more Beatles and early British invasion, more prog rock, more singer/songwriters and only the good new rock, which face it aint much, so it will be heavy on the classic shit but with…wait for it… deeper tracks.

Did I say no Foreigner and Styx?

5 thoughts on “If I owned…”

  1. Tough crowd, but I agree. I’m still okay with ‘Moondance,’ even though I’ve played it 3 bazillion times on-air. Otherwise…deeper tracks AND more cowbell, I’m in!
    Gotta run, my REO Speedwagon song is skipping.

  2. Umm, OK I’m liking the idea about Hanna Barbara. I dig the really rottens and the yippee yahooeys but can we leave Fred Flintstone out, make sure Andy Griffith is always in and add a bit o AC/DC to the rock list must haves?

    1. Well, Fred infrequently but lots of Top Cat, Andy has his own network in my world and AC/DC would still rock on.

  3. Your network isn’t retroactive, right? Because we can’t be canceling Doctor Who – which isn’t a new idea as it’s been around since the 1960s. 😉

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